My daughter overheard me complaining about her
DEAR ABBY: We had been recorded on video and audio on our daughter’s porch, considering we had been speaking to one another privately.
We had been discussing how damage we had been that she didn’t need to spend time with us on our fiftieth wedding ceremony anniversary, shortly after she and her husband moved out of state.
They might simply have pushed to a brand new RV park near our home. Her aunt tried to speak together with her about seeing relations and being with us, however she refused.
We’ve supported our daughter regardless of all of the errors she has made. She was offended that we had no good ideas concerning her new life in one other state and confronted me about my negativity, which was caught on digital camera.
I’ve apologized to no avail about my negativity, however I used to be offended and damage. My husband believes she needs to be the one to forgive and neglect.
It’s been two years of sending Christmas and birthday playing cards with no acknowledgement. What to do? — BUSTED IN GEORGIA
DEAR BUSTED: I agree along with your husband. Bear in mind the adage, “The very best protection is an effective offense”? (Additionally it is referred to as the strategic offensive precept of warfare.)
Your daughter is aware of she was improper to not come to your anniversary celebration, and she or he additionally is aware of how upset you had been about it as a result of she has seen it on her doorbell digital camera.
Nonetheless, she doesn’t need to admit she was improper and apologize. What it’s best to do now could be proceed sending vacation playing cards to let her know the ball is in her court docket, and hope that, with time, she’s going to develop up.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve recognized one another for 36 years and been married for 20. He has a extreme consuming drawback.
He nonetheless works and doesn’t drink throughout the workweek, however he makes up for it in spades on weekends. We each stopped consuming alcohol 15 years in the past. I by no means began once more, however he did, and now he can’t cease.
He’s too proud to hunt skilled assist. He’s an engineer and thinks he can stop on his personal, however he’s solely fooling himself.
My drawback is that he retires quickly, and I’m afraid he can be drunk on a regular basis. To me, it’s a deal-breaker.
We’re each in our 70s. I retired 15 years in the past. If I depart him, I’ve nowhere to go, with solely SSA to assist myself. Any recommendation you will have is welcome as a result of I’m at my wits’ finish with the entire thing. — FLOUNDERING IN UTAH
DEAR FLOUNDERING: Since you didn’t point out Al-Anon, the 12-step program that helps associates and households affected by a cherished one’s consuming, I’ll assume you could have by no means attended any of their conferences.
Log on to al-anon.org/data and discover out whether or not there are conferences close to you. (You might be shocked to find there are numerous.)
In the event you attend conferences, you’ll find others who’re experiencing issues just like yours and be taught coping strategies. You would possibly even discover a roommate in the event you select to maneuver out. Please don’t wait to start out.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
